No, I’m not talking about that f-word. I’m talking about FAT.
A recent experience has only highlighted that many men believe calling a woman fat is the most demeaning of insults. Why? Because women have let them believe it. There was a time in my life – probably right around late middle school/early high school – when being called fat by anyone would have been enough to reduce me to tears. Even very recently, I’ve let a family member hurt my feelings with his opinion about my body.
Fat is not a dirty word. We need fat in our diet. Our bodies need a certain percentage of fat to function properly. And if we overindulge (or in some cases succumb to illness) we become fat.
My female friends and coworkers cringe when I call myself fat. It’s a trigger word for many of them with only negative connotations. They say I’m putting myself down when I use it, but I don’t see it that way. I’m comfortable with my body. I know I’m overweight. You know I’m overweight. I don’t feel the need to dress it up in euphemisms such as curvy or Rubenesque. I prefer fat to chubby or plump or big (yes, even if you append “beautiful woman” to the end of the latter).
So guess what? I’m taking this particular f-word word back. I’m not going to let “fat” hurt my feelings and I’m going to do my best to not let it hurt the feelings of my friends either.
I’m fat.
I’m also awesome, witty and intelligent. I’m confident, friendly and optimistic. I could go on listing my positive attributes, but you’ve probably already started to think I’m vain. Maybe I am a little vain, but mostly I just have a positive self-image. The number on my scale does not define me. It does not determine whether I have a good day or a bad day. My weight does not make me happy or sad. It doesn’t stop me from putting on a bathing suit and hitting the beach. I am not ashamed to be naked.
I think I look good. And no, not just good for my size. I think I look good. Some people agree with me. Some people don’t. But the people who don’t? That’s on them. It’s not my problem.
I’m fat because I eat too much and don’t exercise enough. I know exactly what I need to do if I want to modify my behavior and recently I’ve started making some changes. I’m doing that for the health benefits. Not because I feel the need to conform to an impossible to obtain standard of beauty that I see on the pages of fashion magazines. I will never be thin. I won’t give up the chance to indulge in a cupcake every once in a while. And I’m also not going to wait until I lose the weight to start loving myself.
This is me. Today.
If that’s not good enough for you? Keep it to yourself.
Because I’m not going to listen.
June 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm
Hey Jenny. You do look good. I think the fact that you have a great attitude to life makes you more confident. It’s made me take a good look at my own self and if I can come away with the same attitude then that can only be good. Great positivity. 🙂
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June 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Thanks, Christine! I have my down days, but I do try to see life in a positive way as often as I can. 🙂
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June 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm
I love this post. And you’re right — you look great.
Losing weight and exercising for health reasons is right-on — trying to maintain an ideal “look” for some social-consensus is crazy.
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June 13, 2012 at 10:40 am
Thank you! I honestly wasn’t fishing for compliments, but they are always welcome and appreciated. 😉
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June 13, 2012 at 10:37 am
AMEN!
I think you look beautiful too.
It makes me sad sometimes how people do not see their own physical beauty. I think I’m more at home and comfortable in my skin than many people I know who meet the traditional definition of beauty. I am fat too. But that doesn’t change how beautiful I am.
A fat euphemism I love comes from the no 1 Ladies Detective Agency series. it is “traditionally built”. I use it often.
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June 13, 2012 at 10:38 am
You are one of the most beautiful people I know – inside and out! (I might have a thing for redheads – just saying.)
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June 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm
i can appreciate that you love who you are inside and out! but i also appreciate the fact that you are working to make changes to yourself so that you are healthier especially for your son who you need to be around as he gets older! and your view always makes me crack up! (i don’t think i cringe, or do i? if i do, I’m sorry and i’ll work on that!)
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June 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm
No, you don’t cringe… You are my fitness inspiration! I want to be just like you when I grow up. 😉
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June 15, 2012 at 11:32 pm
Physical beauty is only one small aspect of how I see people. I like to look behind people’s eyes, are they happy in there, is there intelligence, caring, concern, love, a zest for life, all the things that make a person a person, not just looks. I’ve seen beautiful people who were so ugly on the inside, I’d rather be fat than like that. I’m fat, but I’m also taking small steps to lose it. So far, over 80 pounds gone. You are so right, love yourself now, why wait until later? You aren’t going anywhere, just the fat parts of you melting away. Like a statue already in the stone, you are just chiseling away the other rock to get to it.
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