There seems to be a growing trend in my dating life and I’m just not sure how to handle it. Of course, I’m never quite sure how to tackle anything in my dating life. My dating life tends to be a bit of a mess. But this quirk or habit (or whatever the hell it is), is particularly irksome and annoyingly prevalent, as of late. What the hell am I talking about?

The vague invite.

Men have stopped asking me out. We meet. We chat for a bit. And when it comes time to ask me out… They don’t. Instead, they’ll lob some sort of vague offer my way, leaving me with no clue as to what I’m supposed to do next.

Actual examples from no less than five different men:

“We should get together soon.”

“If you ever want to grab dinner or a drink, just let me know.”

“Anytime you would like me to take you out to dinner, I’ll be happy to.” 

“Feel free to call me on your way home if you’d like.”

“So when are we getting together?”

Could they be any vaguer? That’s not asking me out! Asking me out looks like this:

Would you like to have dinner on Friday?

Simple. Direct. To the point.

I just don’t get it. A couple of theories come to mind.

Are they blowing me off? Maybe. But I’m not the one initiating the conversations. I’m not asking them out and getting a vague reply. They’re the ones who are bringing up getting together – but only in the vaguest of ways. I’m extremely familiar with the art of equivocation. I’ve wiggled my way out of giving a definitive answer enough times to know when it’s happening to me. If these were cases of guys who are “just not that into me,” I would get it.  The plan of action would be clear: Cut my losses and move on. But these guys seem interested. They just can’t close the deal.

Are they trying to get me to do all the heavy-lifting when it comes to planning a date? Possibly. But that’s not going to happen. If you want to see me, you can ask me out. If you’re looking for suggestions, by all means ask. If you’re not sure when I’m free, I’ll be happy to tell you. But if you’re waiting for me to pick a date, time and venue with absolutely no input from you? You’ll be waiting a long, long time.

Are they hedging their bets? Hmm… I suppose they could be avoiding rejection. Or trying to gauge how open I am to the idea of going on a date. But if that’s the case, then it’s a definite “nothing ventured, nothing gained” type scenario. Because if you never ask me out, there’s never going to be a date. If I like you enough to communicate with you, it’s likely that I’ll also like you enough to go on a date with you. But you have to ask!

So tell me, dear reader…

What do you think is going on here?

Be honest. I can take it!

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