I’ve been single for a while now. I can’t provide you with an exact date, because I’m not really sure at what point I started considering myself single. There are events in my life that would give us a hard and fast date, but neither one feels right. Sometime after physically (but not legally) separating from my ex-husband and well before my divorce was ever finalized, I started to consider myself a single woman. Even if we go with the legal definition, the shortest length of time, I’ve been single for well over a year now.

What does that mean?

I’ve been on a few dates. Okay, several. I’ve had a few boyfriends. Well… Okay, several of them, too.

But! (And you knew there was a but coming, didn’t you?) I don’t think that means there is anything wrong with me. It’s okay to be single. And it’s also okay to be single for a sustained period of time.

While chatting with a friend the other day, a fellow user of my personal online dating site of choice, he told me that women who’ve clearly had a profile for a while are off-putting. I do rewrite my profile from time to time – things change, I change. But there are certain signs that I’ve had a profile for years now. And according to my (so-called?) friend, that can signal that I’m not relationship material. That I’ve… been around.

The presumption being, I suppose, that if you’ve been on the shelf – so to speak – for a bit, there must be something wrong with you or some guy would have snapped you up and you would be living in wedded bliss by now.


Why does marriage have to be the end goal in dating? For many, I guess that’s the general plan, but why can’t you just enjoy the process as well?

When I started dating again, I wasn’t even able to wed (at the time, I was still busy trying to get rid of the husband I already had). Marriage was the last thing on my mind. But I wasn’t dead. I liked going out and spending time with adults. Sometimes I felt like kissing those adults. Sometimes I felt like seeing those adults again. Sometimes I called those adults my boyfriend for months weeks days at a time.

Even though I could get married again now, it’s still not really on my to-do list.

Is that wrong?

If it is, I don’t see why. Explain it to me.