Happy New Year! Resolutions v2012!

I am a big fan of resolutions – or just random pledges of self-improvement. So far be it from me to let the early days of January pass by without coming up with some New Year’s resolutions. I’ve felt really good about 2012 for weeks now. My horoscope for today sums it all up nicely:

Aries horoscope for Jan 3 2012 by DailyHoroscope
You don’t have to accept the joy, the serenity, and the many opportunities that are waiting for you in this new year, Aries. You could choose, instead, to cling to your old melancholy, your stress, and your sense of being stuck. But you aren’t so addicted to drama and tragedy that you would do such a thing, are you? Of course you’re not. That’s why you need to put a smile on your face, start thinking about all the wonderful possibilities that are out there waiting, and open your heart to a wonderful new beginning.

I have long believed that my happiness is a choice. I can choose to be happy or I can allow myself to be miserable. I do my best to choose happy every day. But I’m certain 2012 is going to make it even easier for me to make that choice. I bought a Sarah Pinto planner that says “this is your lucky year” on the cover. And I believe it!

A big pitfall with resolutions is setting the bar too high. Make the goal too big and it seems unattainable. Make the goal small and within reach, and before you know it, you’ve achieved it!

Jenny’s 2012 Resolutions

• Clean my make-up brushes! This might gross you out, but I don’t regularly clean my make-up brushes. Considering my struggles with icky eye infections and acne-prone skin, you would think I would have tackled this ages ago, but no. I have purchased two products from Sephora to help. The Daily Brush Cleaner is for every day use and quick color changes. The Purifying Brush Shampoo is for deeper cleaning – I’m planning to use it once a week!  This is a little tiny change, but I think it’s going to have a big impact in the long run.
• Lose 5 pounds! Sure, I need to lose a heck of a lot more than just five pounds. But when I think about how much weight I “should” lose, I get depressed. But thinking about losing five pounds? That seems totally doable! So I’m going to lose five pounds. And then think about trying to lose five more. Just five pounds a month would add up to 60 pounds by year-end. But even if I only manage to lose five pounds in 2012, that’s a start!
• Only wear clothes that make me feel good about myself! I have a bad habit of keeping clothing longer than I should. But that’s going to change. In the interest of freeing up some space, and generally just feeling better about my appearance, I went through my closet and donated a bunch of stuff to charity over the holiday break (including my old wedding dress). Anything that no longer fit properly or had bad memories associated with it went in the donation bag. I hope to make this clothing purge a regular part of my routine and go through my wardrobe about once a season. I would rather have fewer clothes that I love wearing than a truckload of stuff that makes me feel frumpy!
• Be happy! This one is the easiest of all. I’ve spent a fair amount of time wishing things could be the way they used to be. But when I fall into that habit, I only seem to remember the good things (my own home and more disposable income) and conveniently leave out the bad (awful, awful husband and terrible, terrible stress). Over the holidays, for the first time in years, I felt calm and secure in the knowledge that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. Sure, I’m 35-years old and I am living with my parents. But I also think my son and I need that extra emotional (and financial) support right now. I like living with them. I’m paying (affordable) rent, so I’m not just free-loading. My son is in a terrific public school. We both get to spend more time with them. Sometimes the responsible thing is knowing when to accept help, instead of stubbornly trying to go it on your own. We won’t live there forever. And it’s okay if it is taking a bit longer to move back out than I initially planned.

What about you? Did you make any resolutions of your own this year? Share your resolutions (or a link to your blog post about them) in the comments!

The Ones That Got Away?

For better or worse, I have dated dozens of men since leaving my ex-husband.

Most of these men were nice enough, but we just didn’t quite work. The vast majority of the time, I’m the one to end things. I don’t think that’s because I’m so wonderful that every guy wants to be with me. I think a man is just more willing to maintain the status quo in a relationship that’s starting to veer off the rails or was never really on the right course in the first place.

[Sidebar: Wow. I love my metaphors, don't I? WordPress reminds me of that all the time. The "cliché" error is the one I get the most when using the proofread feature.]

During this time of self-imposed intense introspection as I approach my 35th birthday, I started mulling over my dating past. Two men stood out as guys I had really liked, and thought we could have something, who decided to call it quits with me. One in particular, I have thought of as “the one who got away” for quit some time now.

I decided to do a little experiment. I sent them identical emails (the only change was the salutation).

Subject: Long time…

Hi, ——–

I know it’s been years since we last spoke, but I was swapping dating stories the other day with friends and thought of you.
 
Don’t worry – meeting you didn’t fall into the “horror story” category.
 
How’ve you been? What’s new? Indulge my curiosity!
 
Wishing you and yours well,
 
Jenny

I wasn’t even sure if I would get a reply. It really had been years and our time together had been brief. But I soon found a reply from each of them in my inbox.  Each reply was the usual catching up email. Nothing earth shattering. It was nice to hear from them. But that was all. Just nice.

I was surprised by how little I felt upon receiving their replies. They are both terrific guys. Nice men who will take the time to reply to a woman they dated very briefly who decides to email them out of the blue. But it’s apparent to me now that I had built them up in my mind. I mythologized our time together, and the future we never had. The real men got lost somewhere in the shuffle a long time ago. Any feelings I once had for them have long since faded away. Their replies didn’t bring forth any desire to keep in touch or suggest a reunion. I wasn’t filled with love or yearning. In the end, it was all rather mundane.

So my little experiment provided unexpected benefits!

I’m over these guys – both of them – and there’s no reason to spend any further time thinking of them as missed opportunities. So I won’t.

Letting Go: The Car, The Condo, The Credentials

Let’s begin my month of introspection with a list of things I’m sorry I lost:

• My car.
• My apartment.
• My job.

[SIDEBAR: For those that know me, please note that my ex-husband and the bar are NOT on this list.] 

Losing my job was devastating. Not just financially, although of course it was, but because I also lost my identity. What’s the first question people ask you? “What do you do?” I no longer had an answer. And if we’re being completely honest, which I am, I missed my daily byline on the website.

Losing my apartment was hard, but I had always known I would move eventually. It wasn’t happening on my own terms or at the time I expected, but it was something for which I had prepared. Of course I hadn’t prepared well or fully, but even a little bit helps.  

As important as my home and my job were, the thing I actually miss the most was the thing I wanted the least at its time of purchase…



PHOTO ABOVE: Not my actual car, because I’m not sure if I ever took a picture of my car. And I couldn’t be bothered to waste the time to check.

Damn, I miss that car. Which is funny, because I had very much wanted a Prius. This was the last purchase my ex and I made together and he insisted on a BMW. He was the one with the cash for the down-payment, so he ultimately got to choose. But I got to pick the color. And make the payments. When I lost my job, and it became apparent that I wouldn’t be finding another one any time soon, the car had to go back to the dealer. If we had used that original down-payment for a Prius, I probably would have been able to keep it… Sigh.

Now I drive my baby brother’s hand-me-down car with 165k miles on it. I find it emasculating in a way that doesn’t even really make sense. I don’t judge anyone else by the make or model of their car. I’ve no idea why I do it to myself. I’m thankful to have a car and I’m in the process of saving up to buy another car. But I’ll never be able to justify the extravagance of a BMW. Not for a long time, and probably not ever.

I’ve a bad habit of telling new people I meet, when they see my current car for the first time, that I used to have a “beautiful red BMW.” That stops now. I voluntarily returned that car in the summer of 2009, going on two years ago. With this post, I’m letting it go.

And just like that… it’s gone!