The Danger Zone

There comes a time in any relationship where you decide whether you like this person or not. This could happen during your first date or your fifth. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It depends on you and it depends on the person you’re dating.

If you don’t like him, the path is clear. You stop seeing him.

If you do like him, things are a lot more tricky. You are now in the Danger Zone.

Because you don’t want to scare him off. Or embarrass yourself. Or write a blog post that he will no doubt stumble upon, read and think you are a freak.

[NB: Hi, honey! This is not about you and totally hypothetical.]

You’re dating, but there’s been no real commitment. You’re not the “girlfriend” and you certainly don’t want to make it look like you’re pushing for girlfriend status because it’s a little soon for that. But you’re also not quite sure what to do with that online dating profile that’s still hanging around marked single. You’re not really interested in dating anyone else. But you feel kind of weird changing your status to “seeing someone”. Especially if he’s going to notice and read too much into it. Hmm…

I’m telling you, it’s tricky. It’s not called the Danger Zone for nothing!

2011: A Dating Retrospective

In 2010, I put together a few stats on my dating life.

This year, I didn’t keep track nearly as well. Maybe because it was too depressing? Ha! There’s at least one guy that I can’t place at all. I couldn’t tell you how I met him or what we did on our date. I only know that his name was Bob. If you’re reading this, and you remember me mentioning Bob, by all means, tell me who he is!

My 2011 Dating Stats

Men Dated: 14

Monthly Average: 1.17

I’m off my pace! Last year I dated an average of 1.5 men per month.

Second Dates: 3

Ouf! Dismal compared to last year’s 50% repeat customer rating. I sure did know how to pick ‘em this year.

Longest Dating Streak: 8+ (A new post-divorce record!)

Men I Cannot Remember to Save My Life: 1 0

Wait a minute! This was Bob. I’m really glad I figured that out, because I thought I was starting to lose it.

Boyfriends: 0

According to last year’s post (but not my own memory), I had 3 boyfriends in 2010. And speaking of my (evident) short-term memory problem, I can only remember the name of one of my so-called “boyfriends” from 2010. Clearly, our relationships were deep and meaningful. Er… Only not.

Men I Dated “Exclusively” But Didn’t Call My Boyfriend: 1

Vacations Planned Together: 1

Vacations That Actually Occurred: 0

Text-Message Break-ups from Non-Boyfriends That Put a Kibosh on Planned Vacations: 1

Current Boyfriends: 0

Weird Married Men Met in Wal-Mart: 1

Remarried Ex-Husbands: 1

Yep. My ex is getting remarried tomorrow. And I’m pretty okay with it. My son’s new stepmother brings a stability to his relationship with his father that I appreciate.

I’m not jealous, and I certainly don’t want my ex back. I’m much happier without him. But I can’t help but feel that he’s winning. Which means I’m losing, but that can’t be right. Because I’m awesome! Rationally, I do realize that life is not a competition. But while I’ve spent my time post-marriage dating a string of… questionable men (and yes, some perfectly fine men, too), my ex-husband has a new wife and daughter. I’m not sure of the rules or how to keep score in this game of life, but it doesn’t seem like my side is racking up a lot of points as of late.

These stats certainly aren’t getting me into the Hall of Fame!

Let’s play a game!

Recently, I had a date with a total d-bag. I didn’t realize he was a d-bag at the time. That realization came later, but I quickly figured it out. You’ll soon see why. There are at least three glaring problems with his text message break-up (posted verbatim below). See if you can spot them!

“When I asked u to came visit me, your excuse was that u hv a daughter and HAVE to be with her. That was both lame and weird to me.

When I said u hv her every day so what’s just one afternoon/day, u wouldn’t just say “I’ll try my best to get my parents to watch my child,” well that told me u hv zero control of your life even with your own parents.

I lost respect for you. I am sorry.”